A Freditorial


Ever really sit down and think about why we do things??? We all like Cobras , right?? Why?? I personally like ‘em because they're fast and loud and obnoxious. BUT MOSTLY ‘CAUSE THEY'RE FAST, at least mine is.:) Now, in order to fully realize the enjoyment of the car, YOU GOTTA DRIVE THE FUCK OUT OF IT... That means putting it together with enough horsepower, enough brakes, enough tires, and enough of a trans to get it to move fast enough to be fun. Start it, pull it out on the road, and pound the shit out of it. Got balls?? Take it out on a track and really pound it. That's what the damned things are for. If it breaks, fix the fucker. Don't have a heart attack.

But, some guys don't buy em for speed. They buy em to attract attention. Lots of em are just, shall we say, weenies. They build shitty cars with lots of shiny shit hanging off ‘em and go vroom down the road and act like theyre driving an F-15 and tell anybody that will listen how awesome the car is and blah blah blah. Joe Blow thinks the car is ferocious, but we here at Cobranet know it's just a plastic shitbox made of shitty parts and has no balls. (You would die if you knew how many 275HP motors are in those things that the proud owners say have 500HP!) But, anyway, these guys can be found at all of the Burger King Car Shows that dot the landscape angling for cheap trophies and bragging rights. AND WAXING THEIR LITTLE CARS!!Just a bunch of weenies and their Simonize or Meguiars or ArmorAll. I say give ‘em a can of Vaseline and turn em loose on each other............

Wax wax wax. That's all they do. And blow smoke up each other's asses about how great their cars are and which brand of tire shine they use. Take your fuckin tire shine and use it for lube to bone each other! And start driving those fuckin cars or sell em and go buy a goddamned Miata and wax that. Who the fuck would trailer a goddamned car that is NOT a classic, and could be replaced with a phone call to any of 40 different manufacturers??? Build ‘em, and run em. Save the wax for some Duesenbergor Packard or Gull Wing Benz.

Some of them, anyway. Lets not forget something. Most of these plastic shitboxes are junk with shiny paint jobs. They arent set up to really drive. Some assholes won't even hit bumps in their cars so they don't get their teeth rattled. Sit in traffic?? Heavens no - It'll overheat....Potholes?? Rain?? Bugs?? Tar?? Bird Shit?? Fuck NO !!! It's a monument. The weenie will die before he lets any foreign matter touch his shiny plastic shitbox. I bet a weenie waxer would rather eat shit than let a pigeon splat one on his hood.

Finally, I think many of these bozos can't do anything but wax. They can't work on the cars, so they just wax em. Whatever. It would be OK if they got really hot chicks with ‘em, but I always see ‘em with pigs. I think the hot chicks like the guys that really pound the hell out of the cars. The pigs like the weenies and the spray wax.

So put the key in the ignition, fire it up, and drive the car. Don't be such a pussy. I'm thinking about going around and shitting on the hoods of the waxers. They'll be in the ice cream store licking their cones and I'll be driving home from the gin mill. Then they'll come out and see a big steaming cowflop on their hood. Then they'll know one thing:

FREDDIE WAS HERE................ :)


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